This past February I had the opportunity to speak in our Sacrament Meeting about our love for the Savior. After being assigned the topic I immediately began to think about what approach I would take. With it being Valentine’s month, I thought it would be fun topic to focus on and soon had ideas, anecdotes, and material all lined up in my mind. I was excited and ready to tackle this talk. But then something interesting happened. Every day I read and studied, prayed and pondered. But nothing was coming. Every time I sat down to construct an outline, or an introduction, or even a thought…I drew a blank. I was starting to feel discouraged because the day of my assignment was drawing near. I was annoyed with myself. Why wasn’t I able to do this? I’ve never been good at citing quotes and scriptural references by memory, but I’ve always been able to recall the general content and source rather quickly. Within a minute or two, I could locate whatever source or scripture had come to mind, and therefore could generate a talk with a fair amount of ease. But this time it was not happening, and I was bothered. Was my intelligence waning in my “old” age? I know that motherhood kills brain cells. It just does. But this?? I felt like a spiritual infant, not a seasoned student of the gospel. And then finally, it came to me. Not the talk, but the exact instruction I needed.
I am a spiritual infant.
I am weak. I am slow. I teeter, I stumble, I fall.
I needed to recognize that my store of knowledge was not what would create this talk. Only He could do that.
It wasn’t that I had not been praying for His help already, because I had. But I had to pray differently and let go of my own ideas and release the grasp from my own abilities…because they were not enough.
So I studied more, but differently. I searched more, but with a new perspective. And I prayed more. More earnestly, pleadingly, humbly. Because I could not do it myself.
Slowly, thoughts became more concrete and I was able to articulate on some level a general flow of ideas. My talk began to take shape, and my worries began to be lifted. But something was still missing. Something wasn’t right. I didn’t know what it was.
For two days before I was to deliver my talk I prayed that if something needed to change that it would be made known to me.
I completed my talk as I prepared it up to that point. I practiced it, timed it. I was ready to go. But I still prayed.
Sunday morning I got up early to fit in some extra scripture study time and to make sure I didn’t make my family late that day. That would be embarrassing.
That morning, as I opened up my scriptures to where the book ribbon kept my place, the change came. Something was missing. And it came! Something wasn’t right. And I fixed it:).
And my love for the Lord grew beyond the bounds of my heart that day. Because He saved me, again.
He always does.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have decided to share on a fairly regular basis some of the talks I have been privileged to prepare over the years. This recent one was particularly special to me. I have highlighted “the changes” that were made as an answer to prayer:).
Our Love for the Savior
Battle Creek 5th ward talk
February 8, 2015
JulieAnn Barrus
(John 21: 13-17)
13 Jesus then cometh, and taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise.
14 This is now the third time that Jesus shewed himself to his disciples, after that he was risen from the dead.
15 ¶So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.
16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
As I have been preparing this talk, I have studied this familiar account more closely than ever before and have made some discoveries I would like to share with you, specifically regarding the word love and how it gives more meaning to this exchange than I had previously considered.
Love is such a powerful word. The inclusion of this word in any written form evokes a level of emotion and desire beyond any other etymological expression. In the Greek language there are at least four variations of the word love, each used to convey a different meaning. C.S. Lewis, in his book “The Four Loves,” provides a concise summary of each one. Storge represents affection, philia most closely relates to friendship, eros is compared to romantic love, and agape is interpreted as unconditional love…the highest form of love known. In this exchange between the Savior and Peter, two different forms of love are used. When Jesus asks Peter the first two times, “Lovest thou me,” he is using the variation agape, the highest, godly form of love. When Peter answers, he is using the variation philia,,a legitimate yet lesser form of love. So let’s look at this passage again with these new meanings in mind.
“So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, (using the higher form of love) Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these?” Peter’s answer, using a lower form of love, “Yeah, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.”
“He saith to him again the second time (again using the higher form), Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me?” And again Peter answers with the lower form, almost as if he still has not quite caught on to the hidden message in Jesus’ inquiry, “Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.”
Then something interesting happens here. The third time Jesus asks this question, he uses philia, the same form that Peter had been answering him with. “He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me?” It is here when Peter is then grieved. I wonder if in this moment he realizes that Jesus has just lowered his standard of love for him, almost as if a mutual recognition of Peter’s spiritual immaturity has just taken place. This must have brought him quite a dose of humility and possibly a tinge of discouragement and shame as he responds the third time using the lower form of love, “Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee.” I wonder if here his answer might, in a more modern dialogue, sound more like, “Lord, thou knowest my heart, thou knowest my weaknesses, thou knowest that right now my love is not yet like thine.”
Before feeling disappointed in Peter, let us quickly remember that this youth of a minister and apostle became a giant of an evangelist and champion of the Lord’s work. Instead, let us shift the focus to ourselves.
If asked by the Savior today, right now, sitting here, “Lovest thou me?” what form of love could we honestly answer with? How do we transcend earthly love in order to come to possess this desired higher, more holy, godly love for our Savior?
Today I would like to suggest three ways that we can develop this greater love for the Savior.
- We Obey Him
- We Serve Him
- We Let Him Be Our Savior
Let us explore each of these further.
Obey Him
Jesus taught, “If ye love me, keep my commandments…He that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me; (John 14: 15, 21).”
Linda K. Burton teaches us (“The Power, Joy, And Love Of Covenant Keeping,” October 2013)
“‘If we fully appreciated the many blessings which are ours through the redemption made for us, there is nothing that the Lord could ask of us that we would not anxiously and willingly do.” According to this statement by President Joseph Fielding Smith, covenant keeping is one way to express our love for the incomprehensible, infinite Atonement of our Savior and Redeemer and the perfect love of our Father in Heaven.”
To me, obedience isn’t merely checking off a list of do’s and don’ts. It isn’t patting myself on the back because I went another week refraining from breaking major commandments. Those things are important, for sure, but when I think of obedience to the Lord, I think of what I am doing to please Him, how I am using my time, what I am giving up for Him, because I love Him. One of my favorite talks of all time is entitled, “Swallowed Up In the Will of the Father,” by Neal A Maxwell. In his trademark masterful way, Elder Maxwell teaches us what it means to be fully consecrated by living more for God than for ourselves, by foregoing our will for His.
He says:
“…Lord Moulton coined a perceptive phrase, ‘obedience to the unenforceable,’…God’s blessings, including those associated with consecration, come by unforced obedience to the laws upon which they are predicated (see D&C 130:20–21). Thus our deepest desires determine our degree of ‘obedience to the unenforceable.’ God seeks to have us become more consecrated by giving everything. Then, when we come home to Him, He will generously give us ‘all that [He] hath’ (D&C 84:38)…the submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we ‘give,’…are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!
Consecration thus constitutes the only unconditional surrender which is also a total victory!”
For me, part of that victory is an increase in love for my Savior as I do my best to obey Him, to do His will.
Serve Him
We are taught by King Benjamin that when we are in the service of our fellow beings we are in the service of God. Or, in Christ’s words, “inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these your brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
We know then, of course, that we serve Jesus Christ by serving others.
Returning to the account of Jesus and Peter at the Sea of Tiberias, after each insistence of love from Peter the Lord instructs him to feed His sheep. As a mother who loves far less perfectly than the Savior, I understand this desire of Jesus, who loved perfectly, to make sure that in his absence his people, his children as it were, were cared for and loved. Isn’t this what we desire most for our children? And so, in essence, Christ is telling Peter that if he truly loves Him he will take care of His fold, he will serve His people, he will nurture His flock. And I think he does this knowing that as Peter serves His children, Peter will begin to feel for them the kind of holy, godly love that Jesus possesses.
One of my very favorite illustrations of what it means to feed the Lord’s sheep is given by President James E. Faust in his April 1995 Conference address. I shared this with the Relief Society a few months ago, so I hope those who were in that lesson will forgive the repetition, but it is just too precious not to share again here. President Faust tells of an experience he had caring for a stray lamb he was given charge of.
“My father gave the lamb to me and I became its shepherd.
For several weeks I warmed cow’s milk in a baby’s bottle and fed the lamb. We became fast friends. I called him Nigh—why I don’t remember. It began to grow. My lamb and I would play on the lawn. Sometimes we would lie together on the grass and I would lay my head on its soft, woolly side and look up at the blue sky and the white billowing clouds. I did not lock my lamb up during the day. It would not run away. It soon learned to eat grass. I could call my lamb from anywhere in the yard by just imitating as best I could the bleating sound of a sheep…
One night there came a terrible storm. I forgot to put my lamb in the barn that night as I should have done. I went to bed. My little friend was frightened in the storm, and I could hear it bleating. I knew that I should help my pet, but I wanted to stay safe, warm, and dry in my bed. I didn’t get up as I should have done. The next morning I went out to find my lamb dead. A dog had also heard its bleating cry and killed it. My heart was broken. I had not been a good shepherd or steward of that which my father had entrusted to me. My father said, “Son, couldn’t I trust you to take care of just one lamb?” My father’s remark hurt me more than losing my woolly friend. I resolved that day, as a little boy, that I would try never again to neglect my stewardship as a shepherd if I were ever placed in that position again.
Not too many years thereafter I was called as a junior companion to a home teacher. There were times when it was so cold or stormy and I wanted to stay home and be comfortable, but in my mind’s ear I could hear my little lamb bleating, and I knew I needed to be a good shepherd and go with my senior companion. In all those many years, whenever I have had a desire to shirk my duties, there would come to me a remembrance of how sorry I was that night so many years ago when I had not been a good shepherd. I have not always done everything I should have, but I have tried.”
Brothers and Sisters, there is so much work to be done, so many burdens to be lifted, so many mouths to feed. There are so many bodies to be clothed, so many hands to be held, and hearts to be healed. This is feeding His sheep. This is loving Him.
Let Him Be Our Savior
(Luke 7: 36-48)
36 And one of the Pharisees desired him that he would eat with him. And he went into the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to meat.
37 And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster box of ointment,
38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.
39 Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.
40 And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on.
41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.
42 And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?
43 Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.
44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.
45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.
46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.
47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, areforgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.
48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.
I don’t believe the Lord is teaching us that we must commit serious sin in order to love Him fully. Rather, I believe He is using this parable, and the example of this woman, to teach us that when we have experiences with the atonement, when we allow Him to touch our lives, to heal our hearts, that our love for Him increases exponentially. I know from my own deeply personal experiences that this is true! When we have those sleepless nights with aching knees and burning eyes for the hours of praying and pleading for help, the welcome warmth of His love causes our hearts to burst within us. When we lay our sins and our sorrows at the feel of our Master we allow Him to save us, we allow Him to be our Savior, we allow Him to love us. And in those moments our love for Him grows beyond the bounds of our very soul.
In conclusion: I testify that as we obey God and keep his commandments, giving up our stubbornness, letting go of our pride, our way, our selfish desires, and do His will that we will begin to want to please Him more, because we love Him more.
I testify that as we feed the Lord’s sheep by seeking out the lost, the burdened, the distressed, the lonely, that we will begin to feel what he felt for His flock. As we do His work, we become like Him. As we love the way He did, we begin to develop that higher, holy love that He has.
It is my testimony that as we allow Jesus Christ to be our Savior by repenting of our sins and coming to Him in our pain, in our sorrow, in our worry and in our heartache, that our devotion to Him will become like that of the woman with the alabaster box. There will be nothing we will not do for Him, no expense or sacrifice too great because of the love that we have for Him.
It is my prayer that as we obey the Lord, as we serve Him, and as we let Him be our Savior we will each one day be able to say with an honest heart, “Lord, thou knowest that I love Thee.”